THE EXORCISM
-Setting: A Sunday service in a Catholic Church-
Priest: “And I say onto you verily, that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will soon
return to judge his people!”
Church Attendees: “Yay!”
Girl: *Screams, starts convulsing*
Girl’s Mother: “Help! My daughter!”
Girl: *Spasming on ground*
Priest: “I will help you! Out of my way!”
Girl’s Mother: “My baby! Help her!”
Priest: “I’ve got you” *Siezes girl by the wrists and holds her still* “Oh… Dear Lord…”
Girl’s Mother: “What?”
Priest: “Your daughter… She’s… Posessed….” *Removes robe* “Good thing I’m also an exorcist! But first, I will have to subdue her. And if you lay your hands on the bare skin of a demon, it will know your darkest secrets…”
Priest: *Lays hands on girl*
Girl/Demon: “You are a Brony”
Priest: “We have to work soon… She might not have long…”
-Scene change-
Priest: “I will begin the exorcism”
Girl/Demon: “Fool. You will never separate us.”
Girl’s Mother: “Get that thing out of my daughter!”
Priest: *Chants something, splashes holy water on the girl and everyone in the room*
Girl/Demon: “The Sun will turn into ashes, and the Moon into blood. Darkness will reign”
Priest: “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, I command you to be silent!”
Girl/Demon: “No.”
Priest: *Holds up cross* “Sacerdos ab Ordinario delegatus, rite confessus, aut saltem corde peccata sua detestans, peracto, si commode fieri possit, Sanctissimo Missæ sacrificio, divinoque auxilio piis precibus implorato, superpelliceo et stola violacea indutus, et coram se habens obsessum ligatum, si sit periculum, eum, se et astantes communiat signo crucis, et aspergat aqua benedicta, et genibus flexis, aliis respondentibus, dicat Litanias ordinarias usque ad Preces exclusive. Postem dicat!”
Girl/Demon: *writhing* “NO!!”
Priest: “By the power invested in me by the Son of Man, I command you to come out!”
Girl/Demon: *Girl’s body splits open, demon rises out*
Demon: “You cannot stop the forces of the Dark Lord”
All: “SURPRISE!”
All: *Singing* “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you! Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!”
